The End.

When I first started modeling a little over a year ago, I was overwhelmed and enticed by the endless possibilities within the world of fashion and modeling. I wanted travel. I wanted personal growth. I wanted to be a part of a creative concept and possibly something much bigger than myself. But this industry doesn’t make me happy anymore. It hasn’t for many months now. And while I’ve been slowly coming to terms with this, I’ve been trying to think of any solution to my feelings about the situation – something that could be done to change my opinion or thoughts about the industry, or rather, my spot in the industry. 

I thought I convinced myself for a while that I could be happy as a model. But this business is as much of a mental game as it is a physical one, and mentally, I am not committed. 

This is the only life I have. I need to live it the way I want to, and own 100% of the decisions and actions within it. So I am taking back control of my body, my happiness, and ultimately, my life. Because modeling isn’t a part time job. That’s what many people don’t understand. Modeling isn’t even a full-time job. It’s a lifestyle. And it takes a 24 hour, 7 days a week commitment - a commitment I’m unwilling to make anymore. This job is not for everyone. This industry is not for everyone. Regretfully, it most certainly is not for me. 

I think the reason I stayed for so long is because I had a fear of regret that consumed me. I didn’t want to leave this industry without experiencing everything it had to offer to me. But the more I stay in this industry, doing something that doesn’t make me happy and is untrue to myself, the more I chance regretting not pursuing my true passions. Modeling did teach me several things, however. It made me value my family and friends and the unconditional love and support they provided me with. It taught me the power of beauty and fashion. It expanded my horizons. It introduced me to people I would’ve never had the opportunity to meet. And it made me feel bigger than myself and humbled, simultaneously. 

I realize that modeling is a huge opportunity. I realize I’ve had many opportunities a lot of people would kill for. I don’t take any of that for granted. I am incredibly appreciative of the opportunities I’ve had. I’m incredibly appreciative of everything my agency has done for me over the last year. In fact, had it not been for them in addition to the continuous love and support of my friends and family, I would have been out of this business a long time ago. This has nothing to do with anyone other than me. And because of that, no one can influence this decision. It is owned by me. 

Thank you for the kindness, encouragement, support, and friendship you’ve given to me over the last year. My journey would not have been the same without you.

Alyssa

The L Word.

'It isn't my job to make you a better man and I don't give a shit if I've made you a better man. It's not a fucking woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.'

Day One!

Today's the day, friends! The first day of the World MasterCard Fashion Week.

To check out what shows are happening when, click here.

Today I'm walking in Korhani and Pavoni - two very different designers, but definitely two that I most wanted to be a part of. Last season, Korhani featured an Alice and Wonderland theme and, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Korhani, all of their outfits are made out of rugs. This season is sure to exceed the last! .. Can't wait to blog more about these guys after the show!


Satisfy my Soul

The Virgin Suicides

And so we started to learn about their lives,...   
..coming to hold collective memories of times we hadn't experienced.   
We felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind dreamy...   
..so you ended up knowing what colours went together.   
We knew the girls were really women in disguise,...   
..that they understood love and even death,...   
..and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them.  
We knew that they knew everything about us.   
And that we couldn't fathom them at all.  

The 9 most beautiful, untranslatable words - according to me.

Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan)

"The wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start.”

Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese)

“The act of tenderly running one’s fingers through someone’s hair.”

Jayus (Indonesian)

"A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh."

Duende (Spanish)

"The mysterious power that a work of art has to deeply move a person"

Ya’aburnee (Arabic)

Literal Translation: "You bury me"
'A declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.'

Hyggelig (Danish)

Literally described as a feeling that must be experienced to be known. Associated with the warm, fuzzy feelings one would likely experience when with good friends around a campfire and a cold beer (or 5).

Saudade (Portuguese)

"The feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost."

Wabi-Sabi (Japanese)

"A way of living that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life"

Dépaysement (French)

"The feeling that comes from not being in one's home country."


Satisfy my Soul

Life in a Day

A good friend of mine gave me her Netflix password last semester after watching a movie called 'Broken English,' a movie she insisted related to her life. It did, undeniably so. She told me to watch it, as in many ways, our perspectives on the world, love, relationships, and time (or lack of it) are very similar. So I watched it. To say that I was touched would be an understatement. I could see myself in the movie. In the characters. So when she suggested a movie, 'Life in a Day', of course I watched it. 'Life in a Day' is a documentary in which people from all around the world film their day on July 24, 2010, from beginning to end. Throughout their day, they answer three questions:

What is in your pocket/purse?
What do you love?
What do you fear?

The movie ends with a woman speaking about how she filmed her entire day, and nothing exciting happened. She speaks of how she is just an average girl, with an average life, who isn't interesting enough to know about. But she wants to be. She doesn't want to 'cease to exist'. After watching the entire documentary, after seeing people from all around the world living their lives so differently from start to finish, something really clicked in my mind. How could this woman think that this day in her life was so dull, when so much happened in the world around her? People died. People gave birth. Babies were born. People fought for their lives. People fought for the lives of the people they love. People fought to survive, to feed their children, to see another day. People got married, renewed vows, eloped. People lost jobs. People worked hard. People achieved a goal. People were injured and people recovered. People prayed. People loved. People lost.

So, I asked myself these three questions. Here are the answers:

Q: What is in your pocket/purse?

A: Pocket: bobbypin, TTC transfer
Purse: driver's license, health card, debit card, credit card, passport, SPC card, Sirens card, Plum Rewards card, phone, taxi receipts, keys to my apartment, a locket, $36.57 Canadian, $13.87 American, three TTC tokens, a pair of heels, portfolio, lip gloss, a letter from my grandparents, camera, Vaseline, two pens (both black), bobbypins, and a hair elastic.

Q: What do you love?

A: I love spending time with the people I love. I love simplicity. I love laughing, with or without people. I love my best friend. I love summer nights on the beach. I love the smell of vanilla, campfires, the country, bubblegum, the mixture of shampoo and body wash in the shower, men, L'Oreal Hairspray, fresh laundry, the saltiness in the air near an ocean, white musk, gasoline, and freshly cut grass. I love my body. I love how animals make me happy instantaneously. I love the comfort of a familiar hug. I love literature, writing, and fine arts. I love trying new things. I love coming home after being away and seeing the room that I grew up in and how it hasn't changed. I love that my friend circle from home has never changed. I love hearing people's stories. I love giving advice. I love that my parents always act like they haven't seen me in months. I love falling asleep to the sound of rain. There are so many more things that I could add to this list I'm sure.. but I'll cut it off here for now.

Q: What do you fear?

A: I'm going to skip over my list of pathetic fears (including dolls, thunderstorms, tight spaces, and open water) and move right into the ones that I don't often vocalize: I fear letting down the people I care most about. I fear hurting the people I love. I fear loneliness. I fear being unable to differentiate myself between my job title and my true self; I fear that other people won't be able to, either. I fear not achieving everything I hope to achieve in order for me to feel successful. I fear losing the people I love the most.

If you are able to watch 'Life in a Day,' do so. It certainly made me realize a few things. If you can't watch it, then perhaps think of the answers to the three questions asked above. Perhaps you'll learn something about yourself.

Satisfy my Soul

This is my life.

'I still wanna be the leader of the f**kin' free world.'

Well hello there lovely people of the world! A lot has happened in the last week that I'm oh-so excited to share with you! I was considering developing a blog for each individual thing, but I think they are so much more exciting when they are all feeding off of each other. SO, without further adieu:

Tuesday, January 25, 2012:

My agent called me this morning to inform me that I was being considered for a huge opportunity. A 10-page spread in Elle Canada Magazine, Canada's leading fashion magazine. CRAZY. If I were to obtain the position, I would be heading to Montreal the next morning via VIA (see what I did there? ;) ). A few hours went by and a received the call I had been waiting for. I booked the job! I wish I had a video of my reaction to the news. After half jumping/half dancing excitedly, I was informed that I was meeting with fashion designers, Stephen and Kirk, of Greta Constantine the next morning for a fitting for their SS '12 look book, and then catching the train to Montreal at 11:30am. I was so thrilled to have been provided with the opportunity to shoot for Elle and have the opportunity to be a part of the look book for Greta Constantine.

Wednesday, January 26, 2012:

I met with Stephen and Kirk at 10am and tried on some beautiful pieces from their SS '12 collection. I love seeing designers who are so passionate and dedicated to their art and was elated to be in the presence of such people. I left to the train station after my fitting and endured a 6 hour-long train ride to Montreal. After arriving, I headed to Ruda Bagage, a quaint B&B located on Saint-Rose. The room was beautiful, with an dresser that extended from floor to ceiling, a king size bed with plenty of pillows and cozy blankets, and drapes hanging from the walls. I ended up watching some reality TV to pass the time (which shows, might you ask? I'll never tell. I'm too ashamed.) Eventually I went to sleep.

Thursday, January 27, 2012:

We shot from 8:30am - 4:30pm. The team was SO amazing and made such an effort to make me feel comfortable and included by speaking English as much as they possibly could. The concept was amazing, and while I can't go into much detail, what I can say is that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and am proud of the pictures that came from the day. You can find them in the June issue of Elle Canada Magazine :) After finishing up with Elle, I said my 'goodbyes' ..er.. 'au revoirs' and headed to the Greyhound station.

Friday, January 28, 2012:

My bus got back into Toronto in the early hours of the morning, and I headed home to sleep for a few hours before heading to the Greta Constantine look book shoot later in the morning. The pieces from their collection were so beautiful and I was so thankful to be able to have the opportunity to showcase their beauty. Stay tuned for more details of this look book shoot later ;)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012:

This morning I got up bright and early to shoot the SS'12 Mendocino look book! Click here for a sneak peak ;) The day was filled with more beautiful clothing, with several pieces that I became particularly fond of, and a fantastic team. We started at 7:30am and finished just before 4:30 in the afternoon. When you are surrounded by fun, energetic people, the day really does fly by. I am so grateful to Mendocino for providing me with the opportunity to be apart of such an amazing day.


Every day I wake up and find myself thinking, 'I have the most amazing life. I am provided with the most amazing opportunities. I am surrounded by the most amazing, loving, and supportive people.' This blog post outlines what the last week has been kind enough to provide me with. I truly cannot wait to see what the future has in store.

Satisfy my Soul